ABOUT ME

When I turned 29 I told myself that I needed to, no not needed, I had, I must to change things up. Judging by my own standards I was not on the right track, obviously, somewhere along the way my life derailed, I had to face reality and accept that I was a wreck, everything about my life was just wrong, I was unhappy, and well on my way to complete and utter ruin. I am a very proud person and it is very hard for me to admit that I am not the person I thought I would be or that I want to be. Admitting, even if it was only to myself, that my life choices did not turn out the way I thought they would, was the hardest thing I ever had to do ( my mother is not right though). I'm not an idiot, I knew at least 2 years ago that if i could do it over again I would have taken a different route, made different choices, but I thought that I could make it work. I was wrong and if I don't change my course now I will never forgive myself, and will forever live with the shame and humiliation and self-loathing, and that is something I just cannot do. (Before I go any further let me make myself clear I am not a victim I am responsible for anything and everything that has happened to me and I am the sole reason my life is the epic trainwreck it is today. I made the choices that brought me here and I take full responsibility for my failures and shortcomings.) So here i am, starting over when I should just be setteling into my forever life. First things first in order to change I have to leave my 8-year relationship and in order to do that I have to find a way to financially support myself. They are intertwined, as strange as that sounds.

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